nico's admison
by TheTrueCthulhu
Summary: nico has been keeping secrets from percy, and now its time to tell him, regardless of the consequences. warning for self hate and poor grammar, because fuck capital letters.


Nico had been worried about this, coming out to percy, the guy he'd been crushing on for years, despite now being an older brother figure. After all, only Jason and Bianca had known and he didn't even want those to happen, but a dickish patron of homosexuality and 'sisters intuition' got involved and there was nothing he could do about it.

He had waited for percy to be alone, because trying to do this with festering jealousy towards Annabeth would not go down well. So he waited till after the harpies had come out for their patrols and snuck into the posidon cabin, after giving a short prayer to his uncle, and found its only inhabitance sitting up _reading _of all things, so he decided to call out

"hey perce?"

"yes death breath?" now that threw him off, percy hadn't even looked up rom his book!

"how'd you know it was me?" he asked

"other than the constant chills that surround you? Your voice is a dead give away, only you distort the water in the air partially and dad warned me when you were at the door… and I'm awesome. Now what did you need dude?" he responded with an amused sparkle in his eyes as he put his book down, which seemed like an encyclopedia of water, go figure.

"erm, well, I needed to tell you some thing," nico murmured, suddenly feeling nervous.

"sounds serious, stop lingering and sit down kiddo, I'll listen" he said, smiling.

"you cant really call me a kid any more percy, not after what we've gone through." He snarked, to which percy snorted, amused.

"nico your thirteen and you've bearly hit the 'fun' stage of teen years, you're a kid." He said laughingly, before he became serious. "nico if I don't treat you like a kid who will? You and I both know most campers are terrified of you and the rest revere you, and your dad might treat you like a son, but hes not exactly a people person, he sure as himself cant do kids. Now stop stalling and tell me what you need to."

"fine! Well, erm, I needed to tell you that…. I'm gay and ive had crush on you since we met!" the words tumbled out of his mouth as he felt blood rush to his face. He refused to look at percy but he could feel the disbelieving stare coming his way. He could tell there was a rejection coming, but he could live with it. Hed gotten over percy years ago, he told himself.

Suddenly percy gave an amused snort.

"nico you're not gay, trust me"

Nico swung round to face him, disbelieving that percy didn't even think he was telling the truth, with tears welling up without his notice, "I think I would know whether im gay percy!" he ground out/.

Suddenly he was pulled into a tight hug

"nico I _know_ you are not gay because its not in our blood, no Greek is straight and no Greek is gay." He heard percy tell him softly, yet forcefully.

"what do you mean? I like guys, how could I _not_ be gay?!" he shot back, confused.

"I know nico, you like guys, Annabeth likes guys, will likes guys, and _I _like guys, but get this. We all like girls aswel. Granted some swing one way harder than the other, but we are naturally disposed to be bisexual. The best example of this would probably be Apollo, seeing as half his cabin has two dads, but I know that the only reason amphrite is so accepting of me is because she and dad 'shared' mom (which is something I never needed to know). Hades, the more powerful of us are even more inclined to pologomus relationships, seeing as our parents are the biggest whores in existence. Hell even the titans were more faithful than the gods!" percy told him, with a dramatic finish.

"s-so, your fine with iit, fine with me?" nico stuttered out.

"nico I bonded with piper over our mutual love of jasons abbs, it would be a bit hypocritical of me to have anything against you for preferring guys to girls"

Nico gave a sigh of relief, accompanied by a light blush, because Jason really wasn't hard on the eyes.

"now then little brother-cousin of mine, is there anything else you need to tell me?" percy asked seriously.

Nico shielded himself up again instantly, how could percy know there was more?! After a few moments of debate he decided to tell the young adult, "sigh, a-after I shadow traveled the Athena Parthenos back to the states a legionnaire attacked us, tried to _kill_ us. I don't know if it was the stress or what, but when he did I just called up skeletons and had him dragged to the fields of punishment. I-I killed him without a second thought percy, I'm a FUCKING MONSTER!" he was bawling at this point, disgusted with himself, ready to be hit, to be kicked out of the cabin, for percy to reaffirm what he already believed. But his cousin just held him closer.

"nico you are not a monster, and you never will be. You are a survivor. Honestly I'm surprised that you were able to hold it together this long. Honestly you shouldn't have, but that doesn't matter now, just let it out, because I'm here for you…" and as nico cried his heart out, percy kept talking to him, telling him how he wasn't a monster because he could cry over the loss, over his actions. Finally nico had calmed down and whispered into his cousins shoulder.

"how can you say that I'm not a monster for killing him?"

"because whaterver you've done, I can promise you I've done worse. You probably didn't know this but after the battle of the labyrinth and manhatten, my sword was stained red, from the blood of our family, other demigods that I had killed, simply because they were a threat to what I held dear. That wasn't even the first time though, that was a few days after bianca died, the mortal mercinaries had caught up with us again and I was angry. Ansgry that I couldn't save her, and I saw them as people who would do the same. Kill my friends. So they had to go." Percy was speaking without a single quiver in his voice, so unnaturaly stoic, with no remorse. It reminded nico of all the times percy had become the worrier general, the hero of prophecy, the only face of the son of posidon that scared him, but he could feel a wetness on his own shoulder, percy was obviously crying as well now, but he continued, clutching to his little cousin like a life line now.

But that wasn't even the worst thing ive done. No, I was a t my worse down _there_, because of course the pit brings out the worst in people. We had met alkyls, protogenoi of misery, and she tried to kill us with death mist, and I just wanted to see how much misery she could take, after all she had caused me, so I started to drown her with her own poisons, and she started to cry, she was so terrified that she was crying her eyes out, and I didn't stop. I smiled and forced her tears _down her throat_. If anyone is a monster its me nico, its me."

The pair were silent for a while after that, neither willing to break the silence, before nico spoke up.

"how do you deal with it percy?" he begged

"at the start I bottled it up, but somehow triton noticed, and decided to be the council dad was for him. I would tell him the atrocities I had committed and he would try and convince me he was worse, and not to feel too bad. After a while he shared his and dads coping mechanisms. They found a way to record every loss of life they felt responsible for, in the end I took it up too."

"Can you show me?"

"sure but we are gonna have to untangle."

Nico gave one more squeeze before letting go, before percy stood up and took his shirt off, showing off a sculped body littered with scars. Nico assumed this was his cousins method, a scar for a life, before he turned around to show off his back, littered with hundreds of names, first and foremost were 'bianca di angelo' and 'zoe nightshade' one decorated with miniature skulls and the other using the huntress constellation as a backdrop.

"every death I have ever felt responsible for is tattooed on my back, so I will never forget them. So I can honour them. If you want I can bring you to get some tomorrow." He explained before sitting back on the bed. "nico I need to try and sleep, do you want to bunk here for the night?"

Nico nodded, before lying down in the bed. Before long the halfbloods had drifted off to sleep, the younger snuggeling into the protective embrace of the older, finding the easiest sleep in months.

The next day saw the pair walking out of the posidon cabin, well rested and closer than ever before.


End file.
